I am currently in a process of “inner confusion”. It feels like hanging between heaven and earth – still in the process of realising that my brother is no longer there. My mind refuses to fully realise the fact. A protective reaction of my psyche I suppose. Apparently, such a shock can only be absorbed in small doses. And it still happens that some days I feel overwhelmed and grief carries me away. If this happens, I cancel appointments and withdraw. I perceive my limits more intensely than before because I am more fragile. To put it positively: I become more essential.
But there is also a heavenly pull on my spirit: It is my upcoming trip to Israel. I’ll be living in Tel Aviv for 6 weeks starting in mid-June, working remotely from there and travelling the country a bit. When I close my eyes, put on my headphones and immerse myself in the country & the people with my music, I feel free and connected. This childlike anticipation is something quite wonderful. My heart softens and leaps at the idea of discovering new things and people.
Times are very challenging right now – for each of us. That’s why it’s important to return to the holy place we love, which gives us energy and loves us back. My 89-year-old mother says, “I want you to be happy. That is the most important thing for me”. This strong woman has a broken heart as she just lost her beloved son. And yet she is letting me go. How impressive! I showed her how video telephony works so we can see each other and I can guide her through “my hood”.
Goethe says: What a heavenly feeling it is to follow one’s heart.