BALAGAN (Hebrew בלגן)

It’s quiet here on my channel. Not because there are no topics I could report on. On the contrary: there are too many – I can’t get them sorted! In Hebrew you say ‘balagan’ – which means chaos/mess. It all starts with the death of my brother, who died suddenly at the end of 2022. I spend the following months in a trance. I try to take care of my 88-year-old mother and lose sight of myself in the process. When I come back to myself 8 months later, I realise that I have neglected my business: Declining sales! So I roll up my sleeves, sought advice from an expert and have been working continuously on my visibility as a leadership coach ever since.

Then comes the 7th of October.

I’m in Tel Aviv when the war breaks out. My life changes. I launch a fundraising campaign for a trauma organisation from Jerusalem and join the volunteer group ‘Run for their Lives’ here in Hamburg, which commemorates the abducted hostages every week. We meet every Sunday and connect with the 101 people who are still being held captive. Our Alster Walk is peaceful – everyone is welcome and welcomed with open arms. During our walks, I become friends with a Jewish woman. She invites me to her home on Jewish holidays and I accompany her and her family to the synagogue. The rituals, the prayers, the customs – everything is foreign to me. I don’t (yet) have the words for what I feel.

In January this year, I’m starting a Hebrew course. 5 hours of lessons plus 4-5 hours of homework – over 5 months. I’m running out of breath. Well and then in June my grandmother’s memorial stone is being dedicated in Neubrandenburg. An emotional moment for me – after more than a year of preparation.

And finally: 4 weeks in Tel Aviv. It feels familiar and like coming home. I celebrate my birthday with two Israeli girls and have a friend from Munich visiting me for the weekend. And then – drum roll – I meet my cousin Shirel, who I find through a DNA test on MyHeritage. Another piece of the puzzle of my identity uncovered.

“Life happens while you have other plans.” John Lennon already knew that.

Neshikot & Chibukim
(hugs & kisses)

SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG!

I SEND OUT MY NEWSLETTER EVERY 4-5 WEEKS. SIGN UP TO READ MY MUSINGS ON LIFE: FEEL, RELATE, LAUGH AND BE TOUCHED.

We don't send spam! Learn more about in our Privacy Policy.

Scroll to Top