I recently discovered a blind spot in myself. The path to that insight was marked by resistance and inner struggle. Because, generally speaking, we see ourselves as empathetic, authentic, and self-aware. But are we? Always? I doubt it.
A few weeks ago, I was unexpectedly confronted in a very sharp way by someone. It hit me. Because it came out of the blue—and from a person who means a lot to me. I immediately slipped back into an old pattern of adapting and found myself momentarily unable to respond. How could that happen? Well, I felt safe. After all, we don’t attack each other in close relationships. Or do we? The problem was: in that moment, I couldn’t access my usual clarity. It took time and distance to process what had happened. I moved through a range of emotions – from helplessness to sadness, and eventually to anger. And that anger pulled me back. It was a turning point.
Looking back, I can see that I had overlooked the red flags that had been there for quite some time. The subtle remarks, the quiet undercurrents – they weren’t new. And it suddenly became clear to me that, without realising it, I had been offering a surface for projection. At some point, I had unconsciously allowed this dynamic to continue. My door had been slightly open – and over time, that opening widened. Because I hadn’t set clear boundaries.
To untangle these kinds of dynamics, we need both clarity of mind and access to our emotions. We tend to suppress uncomfortable feelings in order to keep functioning. But the body keeps the score. Stress remains—and over time, it affects our inner balance. That’s why it matters to actually feel what is there, and to allow it. That is emotional regulation.
Looking back was invaluable. And in the end, it came down to one simple question:
“What don’t I want to see?”
We believe we see clearly – yet in doing so, we often overlook ourselves.