The past few weeks have been quite challenging for me. I already described it in my last article. You are not prepared for grief. Grief is like a weed that forces its way through the joints. Persistent, merciless and difficult to regulate. I always take time out to retrace everything and allow this uncomfortable feeling of my own finitude.
My body doesn’t like all this. It works, but it makes fusses and gets tense. I try to accept it. My physiotherapist recommends salt water baths for relaxation. Sounds like 80+ ;). I try out the KAIFU brine here in Hamburg and start off on Saturday morning. The water temperature is indicated as 32 degrees. That’s too cold for me and the way I feel. Only in the steam bath, at 45 degrees, I feel a noticeable calming effect. Later, when I get on my bike, warmed up and at the same time nastily damp and sticky, I have this childhood flashback: when you have to pull your scratchy turtleneck jumper over your still damp and warm skin after swimming lessons in winter…
And it’s already knocking softly again. That feeling of melancholy and one’s own “finiteness”. The sudden death of my brother has made me realise once again that I don’t have an infinite amount of time left, especially for the experiences I still want to gain in this life. So I direct my focus even more on the essentials. On what nourishes me. And on places that inspire and energise me. Like Israel.